lists of thoughts from my various journals with names dates and places X'd out

Thought N° 1 "the overall theme is that I am clearly neurotic"

Thought N° 2 " For some reason I am in survival mode and looking to be normal. Which means sneakily eating my roomies fruittie o's, honey, bread, oranges, walnuts and drinking their illy coffee. I really dislike american spirit cigarettes I can't seem to smoke not even one. Instead I'm going to smoke me a Bali Hai clove cigarette which tastes like dessert.

Thought N° 3 They never went to university so they don't know anything about sneaky mouse eating

Thought N° 4 Almost immideiately my thoughts turn to control. Control of my actions, counts, motivations, lists. None of it works so I should stop trying.

Thought N°5 She is so boring and banal. Sexy but boring. She was one of the least boring people from work but definately one of the more boring people I've encountered. or maybe I'm just jealous

Thought N°6 In my own way I will define what being a good girl means

Thought N°7 Dear Angela I forgive you - But only this once. please sleep every night.

Thought N°8 Yes I'm smoking indoors, kill me.

Thought N° 9 Being 45kg doesn't mean I need to kill myself

Thought N°10 A list of things I will do for one hour every single day

Thought N°11 I wil never even thing about doing that again. It is no longer an option. It is giving me a thick neck

Thought N°12 why why why am I always late. Awesome, she's late too.Perfect. I wonder if I was meant to be a journalist

Thought N°13 I am getting better

Thought N° 14 I will stop picking my legs (*check*). I will open my eyes, I will have a coffee, I will smoke, I will see him, I will keep my Xers as Xers I will think about history and civilization

Thought N° 15 I am not ready to write publicly about thought N° 15

Thought N° 16 survival is not what it used to be for you

Thought N° 17 Usually my mind is very scattered and this moment is no exception.

Thought N° 18 Love letters should never be sent

Thought N°19 Maybe you could also say that you will miss me forever and that its not me it is you, you've just decided to devote your life to God.

Thought N°20 His life of past experiences, past accomplishments, past friends, past plans, past sexscapades and past adventures.His life without a future. His convincing himself that he is not alone because the tv is really loud.

Thought N°21Go away and come together

Thought N° 22 .No one is having sex with him at all these days. I know that for a fact. At least not regularly, he would have to get really lucky. HA I finally understand the meaning of get lucky

Thought N° 23 time wasted thinking about nothing

Thought N°24 Don't forget about George Bush needing a hug and lying in bed snuggling

Thought N°25 You are so funny. Don't waste your time waiting for meaningless words from meaningless people

Thought N°26 Everyone wants something from me and no one wants to be with me

Thought N° 27 I don't know how to be a friend or have friends

Thought N° 28 I can't find it within me to be normal it takes too much effort and no one feels worth it

Throught N°29 When you have no one, the life of a writer is easy to have becasue a notebook with your in public is a clear message that you are alone by choice, to write.

Thought N° 30 I can be alone as long as I have you.

Thought N°31 I really miss the CBC and Andy Barrie. I should listen online. I should listen to a lot of things

Thought N° 32 The problem with thinking that you can have a better life, is that "better" is relative and changes hourly

Thought N° 33 All of the things I said I'd never do eventually end up on my list of regrets.

Thought N° 34 Fear the man who values no one

Thought N° 35 It is not too late to have a happy live

Thought N° 36 I want to make money not be loved

Thought N° 37 I would like to filter my life like a database. blood spots on bed sheets = vuote

Thought N° 38 I should fear my future for reasons connected to my past

Thought N° 39 The only thing that counts is the life people think you are leading

Thought N°40 You are in a family, You can be ugly, make mistakes and go home at 6

Thought N° 41 There are some things you jsut can't write.