Although I was admitted into the 2008 Fair, at the time I had just moved to Italy to begin the life as a poor waitress, living in Milan and working 7 days a week for enough to cover the price of rent and coffee.....needless to say I declined the opportunity. There is always next year! Or whatever.
The work is based on the fact that I am a recovering um.....psychopath. Or let's say I suffered body image issues, and to help me get over it I stopped watching television completely, reading fashion magazines and looking at any possibly skinny representation of women and started looking only at old pictures of pinups. Thin, but healthy, curvy sexy.
I miss the days when women looked like women….even though essentially pin up model images weren’t even real representations of women. They were based on photographs of women, but they were, in actual fact, paintings of women. Which means the artists still had control to make the models have a more defined waist, robust bust and brighter eyes. I am my own photographer, I am my own painter and I am my own representation. Part of being on this earth, I guess, is being happy with yourself. But what I’ve come to realize in the past few weeks, is that I’m really lucky to be born at this time because I can alter things about myself that I don’t like. I can get my teeth whitened, straightened, I can get my hair curlier, a different color, thicker, I I can get my breasts fixed. I realized I hate being self conscious. And I’m not quite sure what my vision of beauty is yet, but I know what I am comfortable enough to change.
This is a copy of the Artist Bio / Artist statement that I used as the application to The Artist Project in Chicago. Not sure if one would call it risque. ... maybe just a bit too honest.
______________________________________________________________
Born in Ontario, Canada, Angela Nardiello is currently living and working in Milan Italy. ….you know what? I don’t want to write a formal bio. You won’t find out anything about me by reading a bio. You won’t find out anything about the way I think, the way I work, my ideas, my fears, my obsessions. Instead I’m just going to write out the dialogue I had with myself and recorded on July 30 of this year. I am sure this will prevent me from being considered as a candidate for this amazing opportunity…..but I’m ok with that. I write a lot, I write every day, sometimes every minute, or I take videos to help me work through my plethora of issues and thoughts. I think about everything. I think about everything alone. I am really alone in this world.
I am currently obsessed with pin up models. I miss the days when women looked like women….even though essentially pin up model images weren’t even real representations of women. They were based on photographs of women, but they were, in actual fact, paintings of women. Which means the artists still had control to make the models have a more defined waist, robust bust and brighter eyes.
I am my own photographer, I am my own painter and I am my own representation.
Ok here is the dialogue - if it bores you please never tell me.
I loved putting things away, making order, preparing. And Eric was a nice company. Um….he could sit quietly and do his thing. He didn’t make me feel bad about myself, he could bring up interesting conversation, he could contribute (when you asked him to). Um… and when I needed to ignore him, I could ignore him.
Like often when we were driving, I just didn’t want to speak to him. And sometimes I didn’t speak to him for days. And sometimes I would speak at him for days. And sometimes I would speak at him for days, and not even care about what he had to say or want to listen to it. And he would be ok with that.
Ah…blah blah blah…now what do I feel like talking about? That was a good observation. What I really wanted to say tonight, right now, at this moment, was that I really wanted to eat the cookies from Suzie’s shower. And I decided, like, it used to be I always wanted to be skinny. Like for the last year I really, really, really wanted to be skinny, skinny, skinny, because people treat you much better when you are skinny. And, skinniness is one of the only physical characteristics that I have control over. Because God gave me some characteristics …..that other people just…….. don’t have to think about. And I have to think about them all the time… And part of being on this earth, I guess, is being happy with yourself. But what I’ve come to realize in the past few weeks, is that I’m really lucky to be born at this time because I can alter things about myself that I don’t like.
I can get my teeth whitened, straightened, I can get my hair curlier, a different color, thicker, longer, better…..I can get my um… thighs thinner (I haven’t done that yet….maybe one day I might). I can get my breasts fixed.
I think I want to get a boob job next year, I haven’t, I haven’t quite convinced myself of that yet, but I’m on my way there. Because, I hate the scar, I hate stretch marks, I hate being self conscious. I realized I hate being self conscious. And I’m not quite sure what my vision of beauty is yet, but I know when I …I know when I am comfortable enough to change.
Sasha, is always so honest to the point where…..I heard something on the radio the other day and it was really interesting. And it was that people use honesty to be mean to you. But we all have things….that someone could point out. And sometimes we just don’t point them out, because sometimes you can’t do anything to change them. But what my mother made me realize about him. One day, she said, something like he can’t change his size or maybe he can’t change his roughness. And why is it that we are so much more comfortable with accepting someone’s physical abnormalities or characteristics as unchangeable and yet we can’t accept the fact that their character may also be unchangeable as well. Like Sara, I think, thinks that I think it’s cute that I’m late all the time, or that I’m sometimes a manic depressive, I have a short attention span, I forget things……these are things that I really can’t change. Because, even when I start to, my efforts are thwarted because that’s not who I am .And, it is really hard to go against nature to change those things.
About the cookies…..ummmmm….I don’t throw up anymore after my meals because I feel guilty about eating. I used to do that….a lot. But today when I was driving home I made the conscious decision……I have to drink this tea *gulp, gulp, gulp*………………………….
I’m gonna go have a cigarette. Do I have a speech impediment? Pppppheeeweeeeee *struggling sound of air blowing through teeth* ….. I think I realized, just the other day, that when I got these teeth fixed, when the dentist fixed these teeth, I used to have a space here, and air would pass through. And then the day of my engagement party, or the day before my engagement party, which was……what year was that? I think I got married in 1997. 1997? That can’t be….I would have been only 17. Ahhhh…. I got married in 2001, so in 2000 - 7 years ago I got my teeth fixed. So why am I thinking I have a speech impediment now? Pppppheeeweeeeee *struggling sound of air blowing through teeth*
No comments:
Post a Comment